Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
