Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
