im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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