We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize