Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
