i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
