Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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