Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
