dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
