So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
