At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
