I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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