6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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