You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
