I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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