I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found a bag of teeth...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
