trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
