he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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