This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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