Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
