Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
