well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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