You're my little dorito
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
