honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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