**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
