Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
