My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize