Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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