Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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