There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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