Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
