I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
