I am in a vortex of obligation.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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