i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
