it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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