don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
