Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
