go do what you do best...puke behind churches
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
