By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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