That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
