it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
