it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
