Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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