Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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