I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
