I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
