so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
