I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
