Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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