i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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