apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
