Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
