Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
