Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
