Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
