someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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