Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got inside last night via doggy door
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
