I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
