I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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