she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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