billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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