I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize