Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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