Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
