woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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