Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
