Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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